here's to you.

dear 2010,





so here we are.





at the brink of farewell.





the world is now in preparation to say good-bye to you forever.





are you ready to leave us?





i'm not sure i'm ready to leave you.





you've been good to me, 2010.





you brought about many surprises and new adventures, most that i could've never even dreamed up in my own mind.





2010, you brought me out of my apartment and back home to live with the family.  that wasn't always easy, but there were lessons to be learned there.  walls to be broken down, relationships to be mended and family roots to extend that much deeper.





2010, you brought the first real man into my life.  someone who would shortly become my best friend, the person who would be part of almost every adventure in the months to come.  the first man who would truly protect me and cherish me and show me what love is supposed to look like.





2010, you took me on all kinds of adventures in northern california (in what i did not yet know would be my LAST 6 months in northern california).  trips up to tahoe and out to san francisco and half moon bay.  you held sun-filled afternoons at the river that led into late nights with the closest of friends.  you saw me spend warm afternoons on the streets of downtown sacramento and take evening drives to nowhere.





2010, you led me down the coast to huntington beach, california, the last place i would've ever guessed i would end up :) you took me to a job that i loved with people i loved even more.  you took away my car, but you taught me to be thankful and resourceful despite the circumstances.





2010, you let me share my summer with ethan suaste, our days and evenings spent on the shores of huntington, newport, and laguna beaches.  you took us on drives out to hollywood and downtown los angeles.  you saw our nights spent watching sunsets and going to the movies, drinking beer and playing card games on my bedroom floor.  through our time together, there were tears, but growth, and always laughter in the end.  2010, you taught me it was okay to be happy and that not all relationships will end up disappointing you.





2010, you took ethan away from me and told me i had to take care of myself once again.  but you taught me things i needed to know.  you taught me that sometimes it is okay to be alone.  you helped me meet new people and find new churches.  you taught me that, even if southern california may not be home, it's okay to be happy here.





2010, you brought ryan gasdia back into my life, who has proved to be one of the most constant, trust-worthy friends i believe i have ever had.  and in november, you took me out to see him, where i got to experience one of the best trips i have ever been on, in one of the few places that truly felt like home.





2010, you allowed me to work out much of my past.  you helped me to see the difference between my version of truth, Satan's version of truth, and God's version of truth.  and you taught me that depending on which version i choose to believe, can drastically alter even my simple day-to-day life.





2010, you have allowed me to speak up about the things i believe in.  to share truth.  to stand for truth, even in moments when it's certainly uncomfortable.  even at the loss of friends.  you have allowed me to witness to people and share God's love in His timing, in His circumstances.  you taught me that no matter how lost someone may seem, they are never too far gone that we should give up on them.  you taught me that prayer is a powerful thing.  you taught me that chasing steadfast after Jesus is the most important thing.  and you taught me that God's love is real and never ceasing, despite how i feel in the moment.





2010, you taught me that it is okay to be wrong.  that despite how much i try not to, i will hurt people.  i wish it wasn't so, but you have taught me to be humble and that all i will make mistakes, but all i can do is learn from them.





a year ago today, i was a completely different person, with different priorities, thoughts, worries, and plans for the future.  you made me new, 2010.  you never stopped making me new and you will never stop, not until the clock chimes midnight and we part ways forever.





and this time next year, when i am saying good-bye to 2011, i will be new once more.





but you will always have a special place in my heart, 2010.  thank you for everything.





thank you for the laughter and the tears.  thank you for change and for growth.  thank you for unexpected adventures.  thank you for making me hurt sometimes that i might be better from it in the end.  thank you for not always giving me what i wanted, but always giving me what i needed.





thank you for never giving up on me.





i'll never forget you.





~~~





"on the night that all is lost

& everything begins anew,

when all is said and done,

i'll raise my glass and say:





here's to you."