so i have been trying to write this post for...about 2 months now! being the perfectionist that i am, i kept coming back, adding more stuff, taking stuff away, etc., and still, i've stayed unhappy with everything i've written. so i decided to scrap the entire thing, start over, and keep it simple.
disclaimer: none of what i am going to write will be scientifically-proven or out of a textbook. in writing this, my testimony and experiences will be the only way i can explain to you the way i see the power of men.
in addition to that, it is going to be extremely long and i apologize for that, but it is what it is.
hope you enjoy :)
~~~
after i finished my first "power of men" post, one of my friends, kevin, responded with this:
“Huh, i am not really sure if i understand or disagree. Its just women beg for equality and also want someone to be strong, protect and save (I don’t mean save in a bad way). And you can’t really ask both from most guys. it really is foreign and hard to figure out the moments the you need "protection" and the times you want independence and equality. so this is where i feel in lies the gray area.”"
i love his statement because it shows the dilemma (one of many) in how men and women play their roles in relation to each other.
first of all, i think the word "equality" is an awful, politically correct word and i hate it. it's a very nice, positive-sounding word, but it was chosen by the feminist movement and not by mistake. when you actually look at the definition for "equal," the first definition listed says: as great as; the same as.
and when you are looking at what we're talking about, men and women, the first half of that would be correct. men and woman are "as great as" each other. we are "equal" in the sense that we are all equally human and equally loved in God's eyes. neither sex is superior.
but if you look at the second part of the definition, "the same as," and i mean, really look at it...that is an incorrect definition regarding men and women. are we the same? the world would like you to believe that (particularly the feminist movement and Satan himself), but most people know that we are NOT the same. not even close! (to say that is not politically correct, but i have found that truth is rarely, if ever, politically correct.)
God designed us to be different, and for good reason. our differences as men and women are a powerful and important.
so yes, as women, we want to be treated equally, in the sense that we have the same value and worth as a man. because we do! but when there's an intruder in the house, between the average man and the average woman, who will be the one to handle it? the man, of course, because he will want to handle it and the woman will want him to handle it. so absolutely, we want to be treated equally AND someone strong to protect us and come in to save.
now, i'm going to delve a little bit deeper here and talk about women and their "independence," as kevin mentioned. i have seen two different types of independence in my own life. one is healthy and the other is not. nature vs. nuture sorta thing.
the first type of independence i believe i have always had. we have these home videos of me around the age of 2 or 3 and i am reading on the couch with my dad. he keeps trying to turn the page and i put my hand on his hand and say "no, daddy. i will do it." i'm still that way. i like to try every possible option to do something before i ask for help. i'm also independent in the way that i can live down in southern california and not have a single friend and be okay. i like accomplishing things on my own. i enjoy my space and my alone time. we'll say that's "nature." the way God made me.
the second kind of independence, i would say, is from nurture.
growing up, i was never protected or looked out for properly by a man. in fact, it seemed to be the opposite: i had to constantly defend myself from men. and so, from a very young age, i was "independent!" and i liked it that way. i was determined that i would never require anything from any man. in that independence, they had no leverage to hurt me. even back in my high school days, i hated guys opening doors for me or rushing to help me carry boxes at work. i wanted to prove to myself (and them) that i would make it just fine without their help. and the few times that i would "lower myself" to ask for help from a close guy friend or two, like with moving and such, i got bailed on. i would put myself out there and they wouldn't come through for me. this reinforced my "tough girl" exterior. i never wanted to need a man. and i convinced myself i never would.
to be honest, most of my life up to this point, i have hated being a woman. not just for the reasons i listed above, but because most women i have come in contact with are so catty and superficial and ANNOYING. because of this, i've always down-played certain feminine parts of myself, determined not to be like the average woman. i wanted to be a woman in the sense that men would be attracted to me, but i also wanted to be "one of the guys." and i was. always have been. i can't explain how i managed to balance the two, but i did and i did it well. i always had guy friends and i never seemed to have a problem meeting guys who were attracted to me. (please don't take that as bragging, i'm just saying how things were.) i was "a cool girl," as some of my guy friends called me. i liked that.
for the most part, i wouldn't change any of that. being "one of the guys" held more ridiculous, adventurous, and hilarious moments than i could've ever asked for. it was a blast. however, in those same moments, i exposed myself to a lot of inappropriate, even horrible, conversations about women that further damaged my heart. satan convinced me those conversations were "not a big deal," and to be one of the guys, and not the average woman, that's just what i had to put up with. i heard those lies from him and i embraced them.
over time, i became a angry, hardened, and eventually, numb. a couple months before i turned 20, all that pain in my heart landed me into a chair across from a Christian counselor, which was actually one of the best things that has ever happened to me. he began talking to me about my femininity and with his encouragement, i realized that i could be a woman and still be me. he encouraged me to read this book Captivating, which delved into the hurt of most women's hearts and how God can ultimately be the rescuing Hero and transform us (and our hearts) into new creations. in reading, i began to see that i did have this deep yearning to be feminine and to be taken care of by a man. but once i started to journey into that part of who i was, i got shut down again.
being that most of my friends at this time were guys, i constantly got made fun of for the "girly" decorations in my apartment, for the "gay" movies i owned, such as The Notebook and all the seasons of The Hills...for the "gay" music i would listen to, like justin bieber...or books like Twilight. everything i did was "gay" because it was girly?
i didn't understand it. for a while, i laughed it off (once again, trying to be one of the guys) until i realized that it was taking a toll on me. so, i would argue against it.
"i'm a girl, that's what girls like!" i would say.
"well, that doesn't mean that it's not stupid," one guy would say, and every other guy would laugh.
and what do you say to that? i just shut up. i didn't know what else to do. i assumed that once i was true to my feminine heart, that things would get easier. instead, they got harder. i was reassured, once again, that i hated being a woman, because here i was, defenseless. the one thing i was most afraid of.
2009 was the hardest year for me in that aspect. in fact, 2009 was one of the hardest years of my life BECAUSE of that. all the men that had come and gone in that year literally ripped my heart to shreds (and i didn't even date anyone during that year). in october, i felt i was close to having a nervous breakdown and i had no idea why. at that point, i turned to my mom in hopes for some help in fixing whatever was wrong. in talking to my mom, the answer immediately became clear: the men in my life were toxic and it was destroying me. once that realization came alive for me, i began to see how much the things men said and did affected me. so i distanced myself from them and began to try and heal from it.
the day after Christmas, i had another crappy situation with a guy happen. so my best friend, katelyn, and i went shopping and talked for a long time. i decided that i needed to be done with men for awhile. it was too hard.
on january 7, 2010--only 11 days later--my love, ethan, came into my life and everything changed. it was the first time we had seen each other in a couple years. we hugged and he sat down at my kitchen table and for the first time in a very long time, i felt safe.
looking back at my year in 2009, it makes perfect sense why i fell for him so fast. he was different. always looking out for me. protecting me. listening to me.
and not even over time. right away, he was different. the second night we hung out, he made me food when i wasn't feeling well. later on in the evening, he was the one to pull me up from the couch, take my hand, put me into bed and tuck me in.
the next time we saw each other, i was freezing in our friends house. we walked to my car to get a blanket for me, but he was the one to unlock the door, grab the blanket and wrap it around me.
i would come home from work and he'd be playing video games while my brother was asleep. i'd say hi and start to go on about my day, but he would pause the game, turn and look at me and ask "how was your day?"
i also noticed how he was with other people. how he was the always the one to do the listening and not the talking. how he never made any derogatory comments about women. how he never TRIED to be a man. he just was.
it was absolutely foreign to me. but i couldn't get enough of it.
being around his masculinity brought about this strange desire for me to be absolutely feminine. i wanted to be delicate and soft. i wanted, for the first time in a long time...maybe even the first time ever...to be a woman.
ethan ended up telling me later, once we started dating, that from the very beginning, he saw me as feminine and he wanted to protect that, to protect me, and he was never like that with anyone else before.
one of the most important things though, was that even over time, he came to understand further what protecting my femininity really meant.
i remember one night when we were looking through my movies and of course, i have some girly ones in there. Cinderella Story. Laguna Beach. The Hills. he started in, just like all the others: making fun of me.
at first, i brushed it off. "it's not that big of a deal," i told myself. but the ache in my heart was too great and i had to respond:
"ethan, i'm a girl," was all i said.
i don't remember how he responded or if he responded at all. all i remember was the look on his face because i knew that he understood. and now, he more than understands. he cherishes that i'm a girl. he'll make comments sometimes about how girly i am, and my first reaction is to ask "what am i doing???" because whatever it is i'm doing must be stopped immediately! (just my nature, haha) but he'll take me in his arms and say "i like it." and that's good enough for me. more than that, it feels wonderful. my heart is safe in those moments.
so men: please listen and understand where i am coming from. some of these things (like the movies we watch) may seem silly, but they are extremely real. your job is to protect us and not just physically. all of us. especially our feminine hearts. something as simple as making fun of our movies is making fun of our hearts. because some of our greatest desires are poured out within those movies. or in songs. or paintings. whatever it is.
and when you meet a woman whose greatest desire is to be independent and strong and equal, understand that she has probably been hurt by more than one man in her life.
so be different for her. i'm not even saying romantically. just be different. be a MAN.
here's an example. a couple weekends ago, i went out to maryland to visit my friend, ryan, for a few days.
and you know what he did?
he opened doors for me.
every door.
he never walked through a door unless i had walked through it first.
silly? to some, maybe. maybe to some girls who have had that their whole lives, or to men who think that's old-fashioned. i relished it. i felt like a princess. and it didn't seem to me that he was trying or going out of his way to prove something. that's just part of who he is and i hope that part never changes.
but that's what i mean. he was different and it meant such an unbelievable amount to me. so be that to some girl. any girl. every girl. be different!
that's something else i noticed about kevin's comment. he is weighing his actions based on how he believes that women are going to respond.
now i'm going to tell kevin (and every other man reading this) something important and i want you to listen very carefully.
stop.
right now. stop.
if you read all the things i wrote above, part of my testimony, you saw that i suppressed how God made me. my femininity. and in the end, it hurt me. broke me. it was not God's design for my heart or my life.
DON'T suppress your masculinity. at any cost. please. if any one is begging you not to, I'M begging you not to. whether we're close friends or we've never met, do NOT compromise that part of who you are. God made you a man for a reason. so be one. satan will use men and women and even your doubts about yourself to hold you back from becoming the man He created you to be.
kevin wants to make sure that he is giving the woman what she needs while being the man that he needs to be. trust me, kevin. if you are being a man, you will give a woman what she needs. I PROMISE YOU.
both the world and the church have tried to create these views of masculinity into what they want them to be and neither one of them is what the world needs.
the church has tried to harness masculinity and put a pretty little bow on it (hilarious video, please watch):
the world has tried to take it to opposite ends of the spectrum by making make men "pretty" and telling them to find their "feminine side."
and then you have the men on TV that are allowed to be masculine and blow stuff up. but these are the guys that have a new woman every movie or episode, and/or are dropping the f-bomb every 10 seconds.
there used to be a middle ground and to be honest, i don't see that much anymore.
you know who i love? robin hood (in the movie with kevin costner, robin hood, the prince of thieves).
why?
because he's good.
but that doesn't take away from his masculinity, not at all. in fact, it adds to it. he's the only one out of his whole band of followers that is willing to stand up and defend truth. that's what men were supposed to do. so many times i have seen men cower from standing up for what they know to be true. or from getting involved in a confrontation because it might make things a little uncomfortable. and in those moments, i am once again left disappointed and wondering if there are any real men in this world...men with conviction to say what is right and what is true and to stand firm, instead of just crumbling to the ground level like everyone else.
i mean, think about some of your favorite movies. what if they took out that one guy who was willing to do what is right, even if it means taking a risk? like robin hood? or batman in the dark knight? even denzel washington in man on fire? think about what your favorite movie would look like if it was missing the only guy who had what it takes.
despite what both the world and the church have taught you, there is a middle ground, and that is the only kind of REAL masculinity. the type of masculinity that doesn't let itself be defined by what any person or political group tells it to be, but by what God has called you to be (and yes, i am separating what the church wants you to be and what God wants you to be. because, as seen in the videos above, God's design is not always in the church. the church has become another forum for the politically correct, but God's design for you is supreme.)
this is one of my favorite quotes from The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. the children are speaking with the Beavers about going to meet the King of Narnia:
disclaimer: none of what i am going to write will be scientifically-proven or out of a textbook. in writing this, my testimony and experiences will be the only way i can explain to you the way i see the power of men.
in addition to that, it is going to be extremely long and i apologize for that, but it is what it is.
hope you enjoy :)
~~~
after i finished my first "power of men" post, one of my friends, kevin, responded with this:
“Huh, i am not really sure if i understand or disagree. Its just women beg for equality and also want someone to be strong, protect and save (I don’t mean save in a bad way). And you can’t really ask both from most guys. it really is foreign and hard to figure out the moments the you need "protection" and the times you want independence and equality. so this is where i feel in lies the gray area.”"
i love his statement because it shows the dilemma (one of many) in how men and women play their roles in relation to each other.
first of all, i think the word "equality" is an awful, politically correct word and i hate it. it's a very nice, positive-sounding word, but it was chosen by the feminist movement and not by mistake. when you actually look at the definition for "equal," the first definition listed says: as great as; the same as.
and when you are looking at what we're talking about, men and women, the first half of that would be correct. men and woman are "as great as" each other. we are "equal" in the sense that we are all equally human and equally loved in God's eyes. neither sex is superior.
but if you look at the second part of the definition, "the same as," and i mean, really look at it...that is an incorrect definition regarding men and women. are we the same? the world would like you to believe that (particularly the feminist movement and Satan himself), but most people know that we are NOT the same. not even close! (to say that is not politically correct, but i have found that truth is rarely, if ever, politically correct.)
God designed us to be different, and for good reason. our differences as men and women are a powerful and important.
so yes, as women, we want to be treated equally, in the sense that we have the same value and worth as a man. because we do! but when there's an intruder in the house, between the average man and the average woman, who will be the one to handle it? the man, of course, because he will want to handle it and the woman will want him to handle it. so absolutely, we want to be treated equally AND someone strong to protect us and come in to save.
now, i'm going to delve a little bit deeper here and talk about women and their "independence," as kevin mentioned. i have seen two different types of independence in my own life. one is healthy and the other is not. nature vs. nuture sorta thing.
the first type of independence i believe i have always had. we have these home videos of me around the age of 2 or 3 and i am reading on the couch with my dad. he keeps trying to turn the page and i put my hand on his hand and say "no, daddy. i will do it." i'm still that way. i like to try every possible option to do something before i ask for help. i'm also independent in the way that i can live down in southern california and not have a single friend and be okay. i like accomplishing things on my own. i enjoy my space and my alone time. we'll say that's "nature." the way God made me.
the second kind of independence, i would say, is from nurture.
growing up, i was never protected or looked out for properly by a man. in fact, it seemed to be the opposite: i had to constantly defend myself from men. and so, from a very young age, i was "independent!" and i liked it that way. i was determined that i would never require anything from any man. in that independence, they had no leverage to hurt me. even back in my high school days, i hated guys opening doors for me or rushing to help me carry boxes at work. i wanted to prove to myself (and them) that i would make it just fine without their help. and the few times that i would "lower myself" to ask for help from a close guy friend or two, like with moving and such, i got bailed on. i would put myself out there and they wouldn't come through for me. this reinforced my "tough girl" exterior. i never wanted to need a man. and i convinced myself i never would.
"in our fear that no one will speak on our behalf or protect us or fight for us, we start to recreate both ourselves and our role in the story. we manipulate our surroundings so we don't feel so defenseless."
- John Eldredge, "Wild at Heart"
- John Eldredge, "Wild at Heart"
to be honest, most of my life up to this point, i have hated being a woman. not just for the reasons i listed above, but because most women i have come in contact with are so catty and superficial and ANNOYING. because of this, i've always down-played certain feminine parts of myself, determined not to be like the average woman. i wanted to be a woman in the sense that men would be attracted to me, but i also wanted to be "one of the guys." and i was. always have been. i can't explain how i managed to balance the two, but i did and i did it well. i always had guy friends and i never seemed to have a problem meeting guys who were attracted to me. (please don't take that as bragging, i'm just saying how things were.) i was "a cool girl," as some of my guy friends called me. i liked that.
for the most part, i wouldn't change any of that. being "one of the guys" held more ridiculous, adventurous, and hilarious moments than i could've ever asked for. it was a blast. however, in those same moments, i exposed myself to a lot of inappropriate, even horrible, conversations about women that further damaged my heart. satan convinced me those conversations were "not a big deal," and to be one of the guys, and not the average woman, that's just what i had to put up with. i heard those lies from him and i embraced them.
over time, i became a angry, hardened, and eventually, numb. a couple months before i turned 20, all that pain in my heart landed me into a chair across from a Christian counselor, which was actually one of the best things that has ever happened to me. he began talking to me about my femininity and with his encouragement, i realized that i could be a woman and still be me. he encouraged me to read this book Captivating, which delved into the hurt of most women's hearts and how God can ultimately be the rescuing Hero and transform us (and our hearts) into new creations. in reading, i began to see that i did have this deep yearning to be feminine and to be taken care of by a man. but once i started to journey into that part of who i was, i got shut down again.
being that most of my friends at this time were guys, i constantly got made fun of for the "girly" decorations in my apartment, for the "gay" movies i owned, such as The Notebook and all the seasons of The Hills...for the "gay" music i would listen to, like justin bieber...or books like Twilight. everything i did was "gay" because it was girly?
i didn't understand it. for a while, i laughed it off (once again, trying to be one of the guys) until i realized that it was taking a toll on me. so, i would argue against it.
"i'm a girl, that's what girls like!" i would say.
"well, that doesn't mean that it's not stupid," one guy would say, and every other guy would laugh.
and what do you say to that? i just shut up. i didn't know what else to do. i assumed that once i was true to my feminine heart, that things would get easier. instead, they got harder. i was reassured, once again, that i hated being a woman, because here i was, defenseless. the one thing i was most afraid of.
2009 was the hardest year for me in that aspect. in fact, 2009 was one of the hardest years of my life BECAUSE of that. all the men that had come and gone in that year literally ripped my heart to shreds (and i didn't even date anyone during that year). in october, i felt i was close to having a nervous breakdown and i had no idea why. at that point, i turned to my mom in hopes for some help in fixing whatever was wrong. in talking to my mom, the answer immediately became clear: the men in my life were toxic and it was destroying me. once that realization came alive for me, i began to see how much the things men said and did affected me. so i distanced myself from them and began to try and heal from it.
the day after Christmas, i had another crappy situation with a guy happen. so my best friend, katelyn, and i went shopping and talked for a long time. i decided that i needed to be done with men for awhile. it was too hard.
on january 7, 2010--only 11 days later--my love, ethan, came into my life and everything changed. it was the first time we had seen each other in a couple years. we hugged and he sat down at my kitchen table and for the first time in a very long time, i felt safe.
looking back at my year in 2009, it makes perfect sense why i fell for him so fast. he was different. always looking out for me. protecting me. listening to me.
and not even over time. right away, he was different. the second night we hung out, he made me food when i wasn't feeling well. later on in the evening, he was the one to pull me up from the couch, take my hand, put me into bed and tuck me in.
the next time we saw each other, i was freezing in our friends house. we walked to my car to get a blanket for me, but he was the one to unlock the door, grab the blanket and wrap it around me.
i would come home from work and he'd be playing video games while my brother was asleep. i'd say hi and start to go on about my day, but he would pause the game, turn and look at me and ask "how was your day?"
i also noticed how he was with other people. how he was the always the one to do the listening and not the talking. how he never made any derogatory comments about women. how he never TRIED to be a man. he just was.
it was absolutely foreign to me. but i couldn't get enough of it.
being around his masculinity brought about this strange desire for me to be absolutely feminine. i wanted to be delicate and soft. i wanted, for the first time in a long time...maybe even the first time ever...to be a woman.
ethan ended up telling me later, once we started dating, that from the very beginning, he saw me as feminine and he wanted to protect that, to protect me, and he was never like that with anyone else before.
one of the most important things though, was that even over time, he came to understand further what protecting my femininity really meant.
i remember one night when we were looking through my movies and of course, i have some girly ones in there. Cinderella Story. Laguna Beach. The Hills. he started in, just like all the others: making fun of me.
at first, i brushed it off. "it's not that big of a deal," i told myself. but the ache in my heart was too great and i had to respond:
"ethan, i'm a girl," was all i said.
i don't remember how he responded or if he responded at all. all i remember was the look on his face because i knew that he understood. and now, he more than understands. he cherishes that i'm a girl. he'll make comments sometimes about how girly i am, and my first reaction is to ask "what am i doing???" because whatever it is i'm doing must be stopped immediately! (just my nature, haha) but he'll take me in his arms and say "i like it." and that's good enough for me. more than that, it feels wonderful. my heart is safe in those moments.
so men: please listen and understand where i am coming from. some of these things (like the movies we watch) may seem silly, but they are extremely real. your job is to protect us and not just physically. all of us. especially our feminine hearts. something as simple as making fun of our movies is making fun of our hearts. because some of our greatest desires are poured out within those movies. or in songs. or paintings. whatever it is.
and when you meet a woman whose greatest desire is to be independent and strong and equal, understand that she has probably been hurt by more than one man in her life.
so be different for her. i'm not even saying romantically. just be different. be a MAN.
here's an example. a couple weekends ago, i went out to maryland to visit my friend, ryan, for a few days.
and you know what he did?
he opened doors for me.
every door.
he never walked through a door unless i had walked through it first.
silly? to some, maybe. maybe to some girls who have had that their whole lives, or to men who think that's old-fashioned. i relished it. i felt like a princess. and it didn't seem to me that he was trying or going out of his way to prove something. that's just part of who he is and i hope that part never changes.
but that's what i mean. he was different and it meant such an unbelievable amount to me. so be that to some girl. any girl. every girl. be different!
that's something else i noticed about kevin's comment. he is weighing his actions based on how he believes that women are going to respond.
now i'm going to tell kevin (and every other man reading this) something important and i want you to listen very carefully.
stop.
right now. stop.
if you read all the things i wrote above, part of my testimony, you saw that i suppressed how God made me. my femininity. and in the end, it hurt me. broke me. it was not God's design for my heart or my life.
DON'T suppress your masculinity. at any cost. please. if any one is begging you not to, I'M begging you not to. whether we're close friends or we've never met, do NOT compromise that part of who you are. God made you a man for a reason. so be one. satan will use men and women and even your doubts about yourself to hold you back from becoming the man He created you to be.
kevin wants to make sure that he is giving the woman what she needs while being the man that he needs to be. trust me, kevin. if you are being a man, you will give a woman what she needs. I PROMISE YOU.
both the world and the church have tried to create these views of masculinity into what they want them to be and neither one of them is what the world needs.
the church has tried to harness masculinity and put a pretty little bow on it (hilarious video, please watch):
the world has tried to take it to opposite ends of the spectrum by making make men "pretty" and telling them to find their "feminine side."
and then you have the men on TV that are allowed to be masculine and blow stuff up. but these are the guys that have a new woman every movie or episode, and/or are dropping the f-bomb every 10 seconds.
there used to be a middle ground and to be honest, i don't see that much anymore.
you know who i love? robin hood (in the movie with kevin costner, robin hood, the prince of thieves).
why?
because he's good.
but that doesn't take away from his masculinity, not at all. in fact, it adds to it. he's the only one out of his whole band of followers that is willing to stand up and defend truth. that's what men were supposed to do. so many times i have seen men cower from standing up for what they know to be true. or from getting involved in a confrontation because it might make things a little uncomfortable. and in those moments, i am once again left disappointed and wondering if there are any real men in this world...men with conviction to say what is right and what is true and to stand firm, instead of just crumbling to the ground level like everyone else.
i mean, think about some of your favorite movies. what if they took out that one guy who was willing to do what is right, even if it means taking a risk? like robin hood? or batman in the dark knight? even denzel washington in man on fire? think about what your favorite movie would look like if it was missing the only guy who had what it takes.
despite what both the world and the church have taught you, there is a middle ground, and that is the only kind of REAL masculinity. the type of masculinity that doesn't let itself be defined by what any person or political group tells it to be, but by what God has called you to be (and yes, i am separating what the church wants you to be and what God wants you to be. because, as seen in the videos above, God's design is not always in the church. the church has become another forum for the politically correct, but God's design for you is supreme.)
this is one of my favorite quotes from The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. the children are speaking with the Beavers about going to meet the King of Narnia:
“Is – is he a man?” asked Lucy.
“Aslan a man!” said Mr. Beaver sternly. “Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-beyond-the-Sea. Don’t you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion – the Lion, the great Lion."
“Ooh!” said Susan, “I’d thought he was a man. Is he – quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.
“That you will, dearie, and no mistake,” said Mrs. Beaver; “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else just silly."
“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.
“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you?
Who said anything about safe?
‘Course he isn’t safe.
But he’s good."
‘Course he isn’t safe.
But he’s good."
i love that so much because it perfectly describes the heart of God and how He created the heart of every man to be. your heart is both wild and good, if you choose to let it be those things.
now, this next part is directed towards the women and then, i'm going to wrap things up :)
i have two things for women.
the first is...guard your heart.
"above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23
above. all. else.
in this blog, i have mainly talked about my independence from men.
what i did not address was the other side of my struggles. that was, my eagerness to give my heart away in hopes that i would find love. while some men had difficulty reaching me, there have also been men that had no difficulty at all. one glance of the eyes, and there i was, arms stretched out, heart in hand, ready to be loved.
while men do need to help protect our hearts, there is only so much they can do. it is also our job to hold onto it with dear life. that was something else i did not realize until the past year or so. a woman's heart is so unbelievably precious, filled with depths beyond anyone's imagination. and we are so ready to give ours away at a moments notice.
for the women who have done and who continue to do this...i know it's hard. you are afraid you're going to miss it, miss love, miss HIM. but if some guy is it, if it's love that is real, you won't miss it, and he certainly won't miss it. men are supposed to pursue you and that's exactly what you should have them do. know that you're a treasure and you're worth a man's work and his sweat. make him work to get to you. let yourself be a mystery that he wants to discover. i know it's not the easiest thing...it's not easy at all, but it's right and it's worth it.
i'm going to put myself out there by admitting that i did not wait in my current relationship with ethan. i did not wait for him to pursue me. it was not that i gave my heart away to him, but i was the one to make my feelings known to him before he made his known to me. and while i know he is crazy about me, that's something i wish i could take back. even today, i have never known the experience of being fully pursued by a man. it's something i think about a lot. i wish i had done things differently because that is a desire in my heart that may never be completely fulfilled and that is sad.
look at the movies that we love so much.
look at The Notebook. noah jumps onto a ferris wheel to meet alli, and later on, follows her down the street to try to get her to go out with him. in Titanic, jack chases after rose and pulls her into an empty room to tell her his feelings for her. in A Walk to Remember, landon finds out what is important to jamie and makes it important to him. he changes his ways, chases after her, proves himself to her over and over again. in the Twilight Saga movie, Eclipse, jacob tells bella that he'll never give up trying to get her, not until her "heart stops beating." and edward gets down on one knee and says, "isabella swan, i promise to love you every moment of forever. will you do me the extraordinary honor of marrying me?" (i would be lying if i said i didn't rewind that part a couple times!) but the point is, us girls love that stuff!
so wait for it. wait for it because i promise you, there will be a man who pursues you, and when that happens, you will know how much it was worth the wait.
the second thing i have for you is this:
we need to let men be men.
i know that sometimes this is a difficult concept. trust me, after everything i have been through with men, the last thing i want to do is give them room to have their power. we try to harness a man's power because we are afraid of it. we want to control it because then we will be safe.
but, God did not design men to be safe. He designed them to be wild. and so, we must let them be just that.
we want to be women and be appreciated for our "girly-ness" as discussed above. why would we assume that men do not want to be appreciated for their masculinity?
at my old office, i used to hear the women talk horribly about their husbands all the time.
"...my husband drove his stupid motorcycle to go see his stupid buddies and mess around with their stupid video games and then play their stupid golf game and work on some stupid car and go do their stupid fishing and clean their stupid guns..."
seriously, as feminine as i want to be, these women make it hard for me not to punch them right in the mouth!
"why are you with him, then?" i want to ask. seriously. do you want a guy who spent his weekend going shopping for shoes, getting a manicure, and meeting up for tea with his buddies??? because if so, then you're dating the wrong gender! just saying.
the thing is, when we appreciate the other gender for who they truly are, that's when we come together. God designed the sexes to compliment and complete each other. masculinity brings out femininity and vice versa. the more the two are opposites, the better they are together. and as crazy as it sounds, it makes perfect sense.
as i love ethan loving how girly i am, i know he loves to know that i think he's masculine. i remember one time, he was texting me about how him and his dad were fixing something on his sisters car. while i could not understand exactly what he was talking about, the idea of him working on a car made me so attracted to him. and i texted him something along the lines of, "ohh, you're fixing your sisters car? that's pretty manly :)" and he responded, "manly, huh?" even from something as simple as a text message, i could tell that he was pleased.
another time, there was a spider or some bug i wanted him to kill. he asked me, "well, why don't get it?" and i said, "because i don't want to! you're the man, that's your job." and he got this big grin on his face, like, that's right. i am the man.
and in those moments of acknowledging our differences, it bridges the gap between us and deepens the attraction.
both sexes want to be appreciated for what they are and instead, we insist on destroying each other.
so that's it. in a nutshell:
"strong" women were left defenseless at some time in their life by a man or men, and they are now damaged. they put up a wall and push men away or they put them down. they don't let the man lead, protect, or save. in turn, the man becomes weak. he has become unncessary, so now he doesn't step forward or come through because there is no place for him. this furthers the idea in the woman's mind that men are never going to come through for her. in the end, the roles are backwards. the woman has become the leader and she will become hardened and/or empty because this is not God's design for her. the man has become weak and he will become hardened and/or empty because that is not God's design for him. eventually, the two sexes will resent, even hate, each other because the other person is filling the role they want. in the end, satan is able to destroy relationships, destroy marriages...and he wins. the saddest part, is most men and women do not even realize the depth of the importance of the sexes.
that's it.
my entire post in a very tiny nutshell.
the biggest problem--in my opinion--is when the man stops being a man; he quits stepping up or stepping in. he feels unnecessary because the woman does not acknowledge his role.
and that is why i said to you men earlier: don't do that.
do not follow anyone else's design for you, except God's.
once men start being men, the world will change. other men will follow suit. women will start feeling safe. children will be taken care of in the way they're supposed to be.
men, God gave you an extremely powerful role. please don't let it go to waste.
come through.
save.
protect.
you have what it takes.
"my boys are at the age when cowboys are among their greatest heroes. our days are often filled with gunfights and stories of daring adventure. several nights ago, as i was tucking 7-year-old samuel into bed, we began talking about the future. i asked him what he wanted to do when he grows up. with a grave severity in his eye, he looked at me and said, "i'm going to bring back the West." his heart knew that he was made for noble things. our heart knows it, too, if we will let it speak to us." John Eldredge, The Sacred Romance
~~~
thank you for allowing me to share so much with you. if you got to the end of this, i'm impressed and i hope you gained something from it.
most of the things i discussed in this blog did not begin from my own thinking. the things i have learned about men and women were actually inspired by 2 books: Wild at Heart and Captivating.
Wild at Heart is a book about men getting their heart back from the world and the church, both who have tried to make it into something that fits their cookie-cutter image of who and what a man is supposed to be. it discusses men's biggest question: do i have what it takes? it also talks about a man's 3 greatest desires: a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. it is a book that will give you permission to be a man and i believe every man should read it. even though i am a woman, it is one of my favorite books. it made me see men so differently, as well as helped me to appreciate them for who God destined them to be.
Captivating is the book i mentioned that my counselor had given me to read. once again, i highly recommend that every woman reads that book. it is not a self-help book, rather, it is a book giving you permission to be a woman. it discusses a woman's question: "am i lovely? do you see me? am i worth fighting for?" it also talks about a woman's 3 greatest desires: "to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty." it was a book that changed my life and allowed me to be who i am today. it's authors are Stasi and John Eldredge.
between these 2 books and my own personal experiences, God has taught me and grown me so much. i am thankful to Him for the opportunities He gives me to learn and grow, to find the better He has for me, and through that, to share all His blessings with others.
i love you, Lord :) you are my All in All.
as i love ethan loving how girly i am, i know he loves to know that i think he's masculine. i remember one time, he was texting me about how him and his dad were fixing something on his sisters car. while i could not understand exactly what he was talking about, the idea of him working on a car made me so attracted to him. and i texted him something along the lines of, "ohh, you're fixing your sisters car? that's pretty manly :)" and he responded, "manly, huh?" even from something as simple as a text message, i could tell that he was pleased.
another time, there was a spider or some bug i wanted him to kill. he asked me, "well, why don't get it?" and i said, "because i don't want to! you're the man, that's your job." and he got this big grin on his face, like, that's right. i am the man.
and in those moments of acknowledging our differences, it bridges the gap between us and deepens the attraction.
both sexes want to be appreciated for what they are and instead, we insist on destroying each other.
so that's it. in a nutshell:
"strong" women were left defenseless at some time in their life by a man or men, and they are now damaged. they put up a wall and push men away or they put them down. they don't let the man lead, protect, or save. in turn, the man becomes weak. he has become unncessary, so now he doesn't step forward or come through because there is no place for him. this furthers the idea in the woman's mind that men are never going to come through for her. in the end, the roles are backwards. the woman has become the leader and she will become hardened and/or empty because this is not God's design for her. the man has become weak and he will become hardened and/or empty because that is not God's design for him. eventually, the two sexes will resent, even hate, each other because the other person is filling the role they want. in the end, satan is able to destroy relationships, destroy marriages...and he wins. the saddest part, is most men and women do not even realize the depth of the importance of the sexes.
that's it.
my entire post in a very tiny nutshell.
the biggest problem--in my opinion--is when the man stops being a man; he quits stepping up or stepping in. he feels unnecessary because the woman does not acknowledge his role.
and that is why i said to you men earlier: don't do that.
do not follow anyone else's design for you, except God's.
once men start being men, the world will change. other men will follow suit. women will start feeling safe. children will be taken care of in the way they're supposed to be.
men, God gave you an extremely powerful role. please don't let it go to waste.
come through.
save.
protect.
you have what it takes.
"my boys are at the age when cowboys are among their greatest heroes. our days are often filled with gunfights and stories of daring adventure. several nights ago, as i was tucking 7-year-old samuel into bed, we began talking about the future. i asked him what he wanted to do when he grows up. with a grave severity in his eye, he looked at me and said, "i'm going to bring back the West." his heart knew that he was made for noble things. our heart knows it, too, if we will let it speak to us." John Eldredge, The Sacred Romance
~~~
thank you for allowing me to share so much with you. if you got to the end of this, i'm impressed and i hope you gained something from it.
most of the things i discussed in this blog did not begin from my own thinking. the things i have learned about men and women were actually inspired by 2 books: Wild at Heart and Captivating.
Wild at Heart is a book about men getting their heart back from the world and the church, both who have tried to make it into something that fits their cookie-cutter image of who and what a man is supposed to be. it discusses men's biggest question: do i have what it takes? it also talks about a man's 3 greatest desires: a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. it is a book that will give you permission to be a man and i believe every man should read it. even though i am a woman, it is one of my favorite books. it made me see men so differently, as well as helped me to appreciate them for who God destined them to be.
Captivating is the book i mentioned that my counselor had given me to read. once again, i highly recommend that every woman reads that book. it is not a self-help book, rather, it is a book giving you permission to be a woman. it discusses a woman's question: "am i lovely? do you see me? am i worth fighting for?" it also talks about a woman's 3 greatest desires: "to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty." it was a book that changed my life and allowed me to be who i am today. it's authors are Stasi and John Eldredge.
between these 2 books and my own personal experiences, God has taught me and grown me so much. i am thankful to Him for the opportunities He gives me to learn and grow, to find the better He has for me, and through that, to share all His blessings with others.
i love you, Lord :) you are my All in All.
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