but first? playing catch-up.
***
"you know, i bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now.
i'm dreaming of the day when i'm finally there with you."
{matthew west}
a week ago today was my grandpa's memorial service, which was probably one of the hardest days of my life. i flew up to sacramento on friday night and was up early to prepare for the 9:15 service that following morning.
the service was nothing short of beautiful. my aunt linda put together an amazing photo slideshow of my grandpa's life and set it to a couple of my grandpa's favorite songs. there were pictures of him growing up, with his daughters, with all of us, with my grandma. so many of them were of his travels with my grandma, across the country and across the world. most of them were goofy pictures, like him talking to a statue or wearing a bob marley hat, complete with dreads. it was amazing to see what a rich life he had and how many memories all of us had made together. the songs were even more perfect, from louis armstrong's "what a wonderful world," martina mcbride's "valentine," and matthew west's "save a place for me." i think all of us sobbed at one point or another during that slideshow. it was the most beautiful, painful part of the service for me, i think.
my mom and sister and i got up towards the end to sing "wish you were here" by mark harris, and i honestly have no idea how i held myself up, let alone created notes from the little strength i had. my only hope is that my grandpa saw it and felt honored by it.
after the service was the reception.
i held my grandma's hand while people stood up to talk about their memories with my grandpa. i loved being able to laugh and cry and share in memories and stories and recall pieces of advice that my grandpa had passed onto each of us. and the one thing that reigned over the entire service was my grandpa's selflessness. i think that when people die, we have a tendency to make their lives look a whole lot more perfect than they really were. my grandpa was definitely not close to perfect, but to say he was selfless is truly to exemplify a gordon christensen characteristic that not many of us have.
one of my favorite parts of the service was when a friend of one of my aunts stood up to speak. she had never met my grandpa before, but said that, through the service, she had fallen in love with him, as well as with the rest of our family. she shared about the impact my aunt had had on her life and how my grandpa's legacy was carried on because of her. she shared how amazing it was that her life had been changed because of someone she had never met before. it was powerful and heart-wrenching and i swelled with pride and cried tears of pain and thankfulness. not everyone gets to know a man like my grandpa. not everyone gets to be a part of a family that they can look on and think that, despite the messiness, the kindness and laughter and faith through all of it is a force to be reckoned with. and thank you, God, for letting me be a part of all of it.
***
the rest of the weekend was really relaxing and quite lovely, despite the circumstances. after the service, we all needed a break, so my mom and amberly and i went out for a miniature girl's day where we: got starbucks/went to a little southern store where i nabbed the cutest little cowboy hat/got pedicures/shopped for purses and sunglasses.
it was the perfect release to follow a bittersweet morning. i always love settling into that ebb and flow that feels nothing like i am visiting, but as if i have always been around and we are simply picking up from where we last left off.
that night, we went to my grandma's and spent a couple hours with all the family that was in town. i got to see my cousins, meet their spouses, play with their kids.<3 there was coffee and talking and laughing and hugging my grandma a lot. the evening felt alive and rich and full.
{i couldn't find a single picture where my grandma was actually looking at the camera:)}
i ended the evening by chilling out with my brother, kyle. we stuffed our face with grilled cheese sandwiches and played video games together in his room.
sunday morning, i woke up at 6am to meet my best friend for coffee at 7.
{apparently, this is how my name is actually spelled}
we got almost 3 hours together before i headed back to the house to spend some more time with my mom and sister. we ate eggs and cinnamon toast for breakfast and watched barbra streisand's "funny girl." (how fabulous is barbara, by the way? i had no idea until that morning! my mind was blown.)
the rest of the day i spent at grandma's. the house was quieter, with only a handful of people over there. we sat around and ate the mounds of food in the fridge and talked about our plans to take a trip up to oregon next month. my brothers eventually came over and the two of them and my mom and i played a card game while my grandma laid down for a nap.
only a couple hours later, i was back on the road and on my way to the airport.
***
in a couple weeks, most of our family (around 30 people) will be back together. this time, though, we'll be at the oregon coast where we're going to scatter my grandpa's ashes and celebrate his life. and i know there we'll share more stories, cry more tears, make more memories. i can't wait to share that time with them, and to remember my grandpa the way he should be remembered: alive and full of laughter and love.
***
as i said before, the sun is shining outside right now. it's a perfectly gorgeous day and i do NOT plan to spend anymore of it sitting in front of this computer.
i hope your weekend is fabulous, dear friends:)
over and out<3
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