on my mind.

school.

 
considering the pros and cons of different college majors.  right now, i am considering geography and anthropology.  i love discovering more of myself and the dreams that lie within me. 

sunshine.

at 6:15 this morning, it was already 75 degrees outside.  which means it's going to be a hot, but gorgeous, day.  i'm ready to be off work, so that i can go enjoy it. 

productivity.

there are items on my to-do list that have been on there for months.  i'm pushing myself to just DO them, so that i don't have to stare at them any longer.  i am not known to be a go-getter, but i want to change that.

weekend.

ethan and i bought tickets to take a chair lift up to mount baldy and have an unlimited breakfast buffet at the top. 
it's only tuesday, but i'm already counting down until saturday morning and our little adventure:)

family.

we had some drama with my dad this weekend.  it was super discouraging and made my brother and i begin grieving our past and future--what we wish could've been and what will never be.  i have to lean on the fact that God is always faithful and that He will bring everything to fruition in its time--whenever that may be.

autumn.

i'm so ready for it.  i'm ready for that autumn smell, for misty mornings and cardigans and hand-knit scarves.  for boots and skinny jeans and deep red nail polish.  i'm ready for the smell of cider and homemade apple pie.  for apple-picking and pumpkin carving and the smell of cinnamon in the air.  part of me is trying not to push summer out the door, but the other part of me is secretly begging autumn to hurry hurry hurry. 

the most magical part of it all is that it will be the first fall in 3 years where i'm not dreading something (2010 was boot camp, 2011 was deployment) and the first fall i will get to share with ethan.  because of the military, i've spent the last 2 years dreading fall, which makes this fall all the more amazing, in my mind.  i can't wait to spend this season with him and to make memories that we've never been able to make before.

seasons.

speaking of autumn.  i love this season because it feels like the most magical change to me.  i also love it because i love the spiritual concept behind all of it--the surrendering of old life in a burst of wild color.  and in that surrender, a part of you dies in the hope that you will be made new again.  and if you open yourself up to that possibility, you will never be let down.  God will always breathe new life into you.

i see this concept often in my daily life.  the surrender, the death, the rebirth. 


not that i'm going through any significant death right now, but i do desire the surrender.  some of that is spiritual, but i feel like it's just in the day-to-day. i have bad habits that i want to change.  i want to stop procrastinating.  to stop being lazy.  to stop spending money on things i feel like i need but don't really satisfy. 

i also want to learn to be a little more outgoing, a little more open, a little more real.  i want to look people in the eye and ask them how their day is going without wondering how it's going to end up for me.

these are the things that i want to see change in me.  i don't want to get caught in the habit of seeing myself, year-after-year, doing the same exact things that i was doing a year ago and the year before that.  i want to see active change in my life.  not because i feel obligated to change, but because i've wanted these changes for a long time.  i just haven't wanted or been willing to give up anything to get them. 



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that's all for today.  my heart is feeling so overwhelmed with so much wonder and so many different thoughts and feelings that you'll probably see me around a lot more often in the near future:) i've missed writing<3