what God taught me this weekend.

so friday night, i went to the college service at calvary chapel costa mesa for the first time.  it was a blessing to my soul to be there.  i wanted to write down the all the little things that impacted me, mostly for myself, so that i don't forget what God has taught me this weekend.  they don't all tie together necessarily, so i'm going to simply list them.

1.  the worship band was AWESOME.  just saying :) anyways, they sang quite a few songs i'd never heard before, all with amazing lyrics.  one that really stood out to me was called "sweetly broken."

At the cross, You beckon me

You draw me gently to my knees

and i am

lost for words,

so lost in love.

i'm sweetly broken,

wholly surrendered.

in listening to those lyrics, a vivid picture came to my mind.  i remembered a scene in the Passion of the Christ when Mary approaches the cross and sweetly, gently, she kisses the bloody feet of Jesus.  and it may sound strange, but i couldn't help imagining what i would do if i were at the foot of the cross.  and "sweetly broken" describes how i think i would feel.  i imagined myself kissing the maimed feet of my God and clinging to the cross, weeping for His suffering and more than that, weeping because it was His love for me that brought Him there.  that thought was beautifully overwhelming and i held on to that visual the remainder of worship.

2.  the man who spoke, named abraham, was awesome.  the sermon was about idolatry and as soon as he brought up the subject, i thought, ah geez, here comes a guilt trip.  but not so.  he surprised me and convicted my heart quite a bit.

he discussed each of the idols that were created in the old testament, their names, and what they stood for.  then, he talked about some modern-day things that correlated to the idols in the old testament.  the one that stood out the most to me was the god of hedonism.  pleasure.  abraham talked about driving down hollywood boulevard on friday and saturday nights, watching the people lined up for clubs and bars, dressed (or not dressed) to impress.





and abraham said, they are all looking for something.

wow.

that was mind-blowing to think about because of the truth it held.  is that not the human condition perfectly wrapped up into one little sentence?

we are all looking for something.  and we will search in every crack and crevice, spend every dollar we have and every second of our time trying to find that something that will finally be the answer.  that something that will finally fulfill us.

that blew my mind.  i pray that i will always remember that in the future.  that my flesh is always searching, but my heart will be fulfilled if i choose to hand it to the only One who can fill it.

3.  abraham ended by talking about the woman at the well.  how he imagines that she was probably a very beautiful woman, being that she had all these men in her life (6, to be exact. check out John 4).  and how she had probably never had a man look at her without lust...until Jesus.

but Jesus more than just looked at her.

Jesus saw her.

He saw her.

past the vessel that was her body, past all the walls she may have put up, all the secrets she kept hidden.  He saw her heart that He, after all, had fashioned.  He uncovered all the exterior stuff and saw the person she was, which was also the person He loved so very much.

as abraham described this scenario, i was overwhelmed.  and once again, i imagined being there, physically in His presence.  i longed for it, even.  to be physically seen by the Living God.  what it would feel like.  how nothing else in the world would matter, except being in that moment.  for Him to uncover all my exterior junk, to see my heart for what it truly is, and to love it just the same.  to love me despite the mess i've made of myself.

think about that for a moment.

think about the person you truly are past your exterior, past the stereotypes you may fill.

past how other people see you.

past what other people see in you.

think about the person you wish you were or try to be.

the image i wish to convey to others, and even to yourself.

when i think of that and try to scrub all that off, even i am not sure what's left.

but He does.

He does know what's left and what matters

and i have no doubt that those parts of me deep in the crevices of my soul are the things He loves most about me.  the heart He fashioned.  the being i truly am.





and even if He is not physically with me today, even if Jesus never meets me the way He met the woman at the well, i know that i have been seen every moment of every day of my life.





and that is what Love is.  and that is what we all are searching for.