This morning, as I drove to work, I thought of you. I remembered and dreamt of the days when all of this began. Those first nights we loved each other, our shoulders pressed together in the dark, with only the quiet of your house wrapped around us. Nights where your big calloused hands stayed enveloped over my small ones. Nights when normal people sweetly slumbered, but we chose to stay up whispering over the hum of the TV, instead. Nights when I should've been in bed for work hours before, but knew I would regret leaving you more than I would the pain of exhaustion. Nights where we saw the sun give way to the moon and in exchange, watched the moon give way back to the sun once again…all through the slats of half-open blinds. Nights where I must've said a thousand times, only 5 more minutes, and you’d squeeze my hand tighter and somehow that turned 5 minutes into hours and more hours.
Those are the nights when we already knew that time was running out. Those nights we already knew that new lovers and the Marines didn’t mix. But you said to me in the dark of your mom’s living room that you wanted to give it a try. And my heart leapt at that because I wanted to give it a try, too.
And here we are, nearly a year and half into our relationship and a year into the Marines. And you’re always gone and I miss you.
But what keeps me going and what I love the most about all of it is how remembering how you made me feel on those March evenings. And just like we watched the moon give way to the sun, being wrapped up in your arms after weeks of being apart still makes my body give way to butterflies.
And darling, that is what brings the sweetness to what can often be a bitter countdown. Because just like I once lost sleep to be with you, I will wait on time to be with you, also. And I can know that it will always, always be worth it.
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