if day has to become night, this is a beautiful way.sci fi book reviews

this
week has been pretty dang lovely.

i
put a collage of my favorite pinterest pictures on my wall.

i made buffalo chicken tacos.

i
watched Lakeview Terrace and worked some more on a scarf i'm
knitting.

i've
talked to Ethan on the phone almost every night (which is a lot for
us!).

i've
practiced my guitar until my fingers hurt. and i've learned 3
chords! A, D, and G. it's still hard work for me to get it right, but it sounds so pretty when i do. and
that's 3 more chords than i knew last week:D

last
night, i made a goal of 3 things i want to accomplish Monday through
Friday: practicing my guitar for at
least a half hour; going through all the exercises on my old voice
exercises CD; and doing the Insanity workout.
plus, doing abs separately 3 days a week.

i'm
ready and excited for all of these things. they're all things i
have wanted to do for a long time--learn
guitar, work on my voice, and get into shape--but have just made excuses about why i can't or don't want
to do them. on Monday, i was sitting on my computer, weeding
through emails, replying to some, deleting
others...when i wondered why i do this to myself. every day, i
waste so much time and energy going
through emails, reading Facebook posts i care nothing about... and for what? aside from the few blog posts i
follow that truly inspire me, i have nothing
to show for all this other time that i spent online, doing nothing.

it
really motivated me to make a change--a real change. so, i
unsubscribed from as many email lists as i could,
unfollowed the bloggers i don't care about, and challenged myself to
only check Facebook and Pinterest
when i truly want to--not because i'm obligated to.

and
i feel so much better, friends. so much better. it has freed
up time for me to do things like practicing guitar or knitting or
writing. this weekend, i am also planning
to spend some time in prayer and ask God if there is anything else He
would have me get rid of. in
addition to that, i am also hoping to go through all my stuff, as i
do periodically, and organize what i want to keep, then throw away the rest. i always feel like i
have so much stuff that i am always sorting,
organizing, cleaning. one of my great desires is to live more
of a minimalist lifestyle. in my mind,
that looks like being content with what i have, getting rid of what i
don't need, and spending my time
on things that are truly beneficial to my life.

i
feel like this is a common theme from what i've seen in other people's lives, as well. we have instant access
to so much now--information, people, music, videos--that i feel like
there is a constant need for a filter.
the process of figuring out what should go and what stays. and
that can be really, really hard sometimes.
always a work in progress.

***

work was really good this week. i don't normally write about my job, but today, i feel like i want to. i got a chance to minister, in different ways, to two different ladies this week.

one of those ladies is a girl closer to my age. she has two kids, is in the process of a divorce, and is having a hard time with life right now. we've connected before, but ever since i moved desks (to sitting right across from her), we've slowly been establishing more of a friendship. i have really been making an effort to try to get to know her--to encourage her and listen to her.

i have tried to foster a handful of other friendships down here, all of which i thought were going to be lifelong relationships. unfortunately, none of them worked out. which, in all honesty, means that none of them really made a hard effort to be my friend.

because of that, part of me struggles with the idea of trying this again, of hoping for friendship. BUT, i really like this girl. i think she has a great heart and she doesn't have any sort of support here in California. so, i've felt like i need to give it a shot. this is a risk i need to take.

and on Wednesday, over the shuffling of paperwork, she opened up to me a lot--told me about her dreams and plans and worries for the future. in return, i was able to open up to her, too. it felt safe and refreshing and it kept me thinking that maybe i will be able to make at least one friend down in SoCal, after all.

then, yesterday, i got a chance to help another woman in a different way. this particular lady is one of my supervisors. she's a 60-something Dutch woman, who is the SWEETEST, cutest, most genuine, kind-hearted soul you would ever meet. she normally doesn't work on Thursdays, so when she showed up to work at her normal time yesterday morning, we asked her why she was in the office today. after a few gasps for air, she burst into tears and said she had to leave for the Netherlands in less than 24 hours because of her dad, who has been ill for quite some time. he just recently started to get better, but a couple days ago, his health took a turn for the worst and they read him his last rights that morning. she was originally supposed to leave for the Netherlands two weeks from now, where she would spend some time with her family for Christmas and then, take her son to France for a school internship. she had exactly enough paid time off for the trip, but now that she was leaving 2 weeks early, she wasn't sure if she would have to come back 2 weeks early and miss her trip to France.

i knew how ecstatic Annie had been about her trip to France, and how heartbroken she was about her dad, and i couldn't bear the thought of her having to cut her trip short. so throughout the rest of the day, i made the rounds at work to see if anyone else beside me would be willing to donate their paid time off to Annie to cover those extra 2 weeks: about 60 hours of time.

the first person i asked, a "Christian" man, almost discouraged me from asking anyone else. he made a huge, HUGE, deal about wanting to know exactly WHY i was asking him for the time and WHY she couldn't come back 2 weeks early and WHY she was going to the Netherlands to see her dad... i was so furious, i was torn between crying and punching him dead in the face. what is wrong with people? why is it so difficult to be kind and understanding?

i'm so thankful i didn't give up, though. almost everyone else i asked jumped at the chance to help out Annie because we all knew she would do the same thing for us. at the end of the day, we had 73 hours donated between the 10 people who volunteered to donate. when i told Annie what we wanted to do for her, she burst into tears again and said it was too much and she couldn't accept it. after letting her know that this was something we all REALLY wanted to do for her, she agreed to accept a portion of the time we were donating to her. and before i left for the day, she cried again and hugged me. i felt so blessed.

all this to say...

i'm glad that i listened to God's prodding when i felt like that was something i should do for her. even if no one else could've helped. and i also realized that, while i can't help everyone, there are some i CAN help and i feel beyond blessed that i'm able to do it. i also am proud of myself because going around and asking people to do something like that was pretty much out of my comfort zone. so, i guess i'm more of a leader than i realized.

on that note, while Annie is gone for the next 6 weeks, i will be the one heading up the department. leading 6 other individuals. attending manager meetings and coordinating new employees and troubleshooting. it's not something i've ever done before, but i feel like it will be a good time for me to learn more what it means to be a leader. to make the tough calls and give the hard and fast answers and to learn how to deal with problem people. honestly, it's pretty scary for me. while i like leading to an extent, a big part of me likes being in the background because it's safe there. but now i'm out in the open. and i just pray that God will guide me and teach me and bless my efforts.

***

whew. so that is basically what's been going on in my heart this week. and still, there
is a bit more that i hope to sit
down and write about this weekend.

and i
am REALLY looking forward to this weekend. the sad part is,
Ethan will be in training, so i probably
won't get to see him until next weekend. :( i'm pretty
disappointed about that, because i miss
him like crazy. but, on the upside, i am really looking forward
to having a weekend all to myself, something
i haven't had in a very long time.

i hope to sleep in;

to make
big breakfasts for myself and drink
big cups of coffee;

to not wear make-up;

to make red velvet cookies
and red velvet hot chocolate (can you tell i LOVE red velvet?);

to catch
up on blogs i've missed

and to write blogs i've been wanting to write.

i hope to get started on working out;

to practice my guitar as much as possible;

to start on my voice
exercises CD.

i hope to finish this scarf
i'm currently knitting;

to light candles and lay in bed and listen to
music.

i hope to sit in the quiet and pray and listen for
God's voice.

i
am also hoping to be a little productive...to clean the kitchen and
bathroom and my room and to find classes
for the upcoming spring semester.

and
until then...it is Friday and raining and i'm wearing my shoes with the
adorable cat faces on them and i'm drinking
out of my Santa Claus mug. my heart is celebrating secretly and
quietly and it's beautiful.

happy
Friday<3

p.s. it's December tomorrow and i thought this quote was the perfect way to say good-bye to November.