i wrote this part yesterday morning, on my lunch break.
***
the day before Thanksgiving
and i'm feeling
melancholy and bittersweet and a quiet peace and hope about the whole
thing.
i miss my family. i
wish i could be spending this time with them. i want to wrap my arms
around them and laugh with them and catch up with them and tell all
the same inside jokes that we tell every time we're together. i'm
sad i won't be there when they decorate the house with Christmas
decorations and listen to our favorite Christmas CD's.
the reason i decided
to stay back in Orange County this Thanksgiving is because Ethan will
be staying here. he's going through a course right now, which means
a ton of weekend homework and no 8-hour road-tripping for him. being
that none of his family will be down here for Thanksgiving, and also
the fact that we've never had a Thanksgiving together before, i
decided to stay so that we can do our own little Thanksgiving. that i
am excited about:) i'll be making mimosas and parmesan green bean
fries and mashed potatoes and cornbread stuffing and pumpkin pie. our plan right now is to set up our table under the overhang in my
backyard and eat lunch/dinner next to a bonfire. i'm pretty ecstatic
about it. it'll be something new and fun and for the first
Thanksgiving in 3 years, we won't be apart. that's something to be
thankful about.
and even though my
heart breaks about not being able to be with my family, i AM thankful
for technology, because i will, hopefully, get to Skype with them tomorrow. i can't wait to see their faces. and i also know that when i get to
spend 10-11 days at home for Christmas, it'll be that much sweeter<3
i'm also excited
because both Ethan and i have Friday off and we have big plans to go
up to the mountains and chop down a Christmas tree!:D the last 2
Christmases i have been down here, i have never bought a Christmas
tree because i had no one to enjoy it with. but this year? will be
different:) and i am SOOOOOOOO excited<3 in my mind, i imagine
such a magical Friday:
boots and tights.
picking up peppermint white
mochas on the way.
listening to Christmas music on the ride up
there.
exploring the little town.
finding the perfect little
Charlie Brown Christmas tree.
bringing it home, setting it up, and
putting pretty little lights on it<3
sigh. i finally get a real,
real Christmas down in Orange County. and my heart is so excited, i
can barely take it, dear friends.
***
life
felt pretty magical when i wrote that yesterday. work was easy
breezy. after i got off, i went to the used record store and
bought two of my favorite Christmas CD's: Steven Curtis Chapman's
"All I Really Want for Christmas" and the Charlie Brown
Christmas soundtrack. i unwrapped the Steven Curtis Chapman CD
immediately and, even though i usually consider listening to
Christmas music before Thanksgiving sacrilegious, i put it in my CD
player . i knew that i made the right decision because, as soon
as the first song came on, i immediately burst into tears.
every Christmas memory associated with that CD filled up my brain and
i felt heartbroken and thankful and overjoyed all at once. it
was a pretty intense moment, filled up with God.
after
i got home, i called my sister for our scheduled phone date. i
was SO excited and happy to be talking with her. but only 10
minutes into our phone conversation, i felt a sharp pain hit my
abdomen. it was what, i imagine, being stabbed with a knife
would feel like. the first couple moments, i waved it off as
cramps and tried to walk it off, but the pain just intensified.
i hung up with Amberly, popped some pain pills, and called Ethan.
by this point, i was sweating profusely and it was painful to move,
even just to talk.
Ethan
was already on his way up to see me, but still about 40 minutes out.
we gave it 20 long, painful minutes. the pain had not lessened
and we agreed i should call 911. the paramedics were there
within a few minutes and a handful of minutes later, i was on a
gurney, being loaded into an ambulance. Ethan got there just as
i was being loaded in and followed the ambulance to the hospital.
the
ER was nothing like i expected--no beeping sounds or rushed nurses.
just a bunch of calm people who seemed to be hanging out. i was
wheeled behind a little curtain, changed into a hospital gown, and
gave blood and urine, before being wheeled down the hall to get a CAT
scan. it was about a total of 2 hours at the hospital before i
got my diagnosis: i had 3 ovarian cysts and one of them had
ruptured. the doctor said there was nothing to do at this
point, except to take some pain medication. they took out my IV, had me sign some forms, and i was free to go.
Ethan bought dinner for us and we spent a little time watching TV and updating my family about my status. i figured the worst was over, but i figured wrong.
we went to bed around 10, but my lower abdomen kept feeling increasingly more sore as the night went on. i tossed and turned and tried to get comfortable and tried to sleep, but it was to no avail. around 2am, i pulled out my phone to research estimated recovery for something like this. i didn't find much, but the sources i did find estimated anywhere between 2 and 10 days. at this point, i finally began to cry. i was exhausted and in pain and i couldn't imagine dealing with this for 2 more days, let alone 10. at this point, Ethan woke up, made me some tea, brought me some water and medicine, and put in a funny movie for me to fall asleep to. i did end up falling asleep sometime around 3. i woke up again around 5:30, then again at 7. i was still in a lot of pain. just getting up to walk 15 feet to the bathroom was excruciating.
around 9, Ethan went out to get my pain med prescription filled, a heating pad, and an extra-caffeinated coffee and i decided to shower. the heat of the shower made me feel SO much better and the pain medicine was a bonus. i was able to actually do my make-up and get dressed without feeling too dizzy or uncomfortable. i spent a good chunk of the rest of our morning drinking coffee in bed, while listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack:)
as i write this, Ethan is in the kitchen preparing the turkey for our dinner that we are still going to have tonight. once i hit "Publish," i will join him and still make the stuffing and green beans and mashed potatoes and pie. and maybe even some mimosas:) i am also hoping that i will feel well enough for us to make it out to Julian some time this weekend. i desperately need the drive and the Christmas music and the boots and tights and the quaintness of this little town.
either way, i truly am thankful today. i am thankful for getting to Skype with my mom and stepdad and little sister this morning. i'm thankful that i'm doing better and that i'm not in the hospital. i'm thankful that my problem was not more severe. i'm thankful for all the offers for prayer i've received on Facebook and through text. i'm thankful for my sweet boyfriend, who got up at 2 in the morning to make me tea and who ran those errands for me this morning and who has been completely understanding selfless through this whole thing. i'm thankful that i have seen, and felt, God's hands in all of this. i am thankful that, despite any physical pain i may have, i have completely inner peace. i feel like the luckiest girl in the whole world:) and maybe i am.
happy thanksgiving, all<3 i hope your day is filled with peace and love and calm and laughter and that you see God in every moment, big and small.
i love you all dearly.
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