today will be a quiet one for me. i decided to save my paid time off for Christmas, so i did not drive up to sacramento to spend the day with my family. it will be the first thanksgiving ever without them, which is strange. BUT i'm still making yams and stuffing and have big plans to watch a movie or two and maybe take a walk by the beach. life is still good.
anyways, i was thinking this morning about what today means and every year i always think about the positive, good things in my life for which i am thankful.
this year, i decided to take a different approach and to not only thank God for the good things, but the bad things as well. for through the negative, God grows in us perseverance and strength and character. the bad times are the moments when He stretches us and grows us to be more like His Son. while it may not exactly be the easiest thing to do, i choose to be thankful for those moments also.
here are some good (and bad) things for which i am thankful and will share with you today.
i am thankful for my childhood, for the freedom i had to ride bikes in the streets, to wrestle and get dirty with the neighborhood kids. for running through sprinklers and popsicle stands and baseball tournaments. for truly being able to experience childhood, as some kids do not have the privilege.
i am thankful for the church i grew up in, first baptist church of fair oaks. while the doctrine could be legalistic and the worship could be stale, the things i learned about myself...the mission trips i got to be a part of...the friendships i gained that still exist today...those things can NEVER be replaced and i will cherish them forever.
i am thankful for my broken home. through it, my 3 siblings and i were able to witness the incredible faith and strength in our mother that i only hope we will all be able to mirror in our own times of adversity. i am thankful for my broken home because God revealed His own protection and strength in the midst of the darkest of times. i am thankful for my broken home, even though God didn't fix it. He just gave us a better one.
i am thankful for the depression i have endured on and off throughout my life. it made me see that no matter how horrible things can get, there will always be one more good day, one more good moment to be had. i am thankful for it because it made me know that i have the strength to get through anything and that God will always be there to catch me when i fall.
i am thankful for the verbal abuse i endured from such a young age. from it, i was able to build up a deep strength and now i am able to pinpoint it and to see it for what it is, and in turn, reject it, which has protected me from enduring it any further throughout the remainder of my life.
i am thankful for my high school years. for the blessing of being home-schooled and through that, being able to figure out who i was based on what God thought of me, not based on what the world or my peers thought of me.
i am thankful for the freedom my mom gave me, beginning even at the age of 14. because of that, i was able to have more late night adventures in parks, milkshake runs at 2am, and spontaneous road trips to san francisco. and i am thankful for those people that were there to share those amazing moments with me.
i am thankful for all the relationships that have fallen through and romances i wanted but never had. i see now, that even when my heart was breaking, it was God's protection from more heartache and deeper wounds.
i am thankful for all the guys that have not treated me the way i deserve because that makes me appreciate the good men that have entered my life that much more.
i am thankful for all the friendships that have come and gone. i am thankful for the things i have learned from them. even more, i am thankful for the friendships that have lasted. they have not always been the ones i expected to last, which makes me love them that much more.
i am thankful that, through time and circumstances, God has revealed in my heart the desire to be feminine, and even more so, a captivating woman following His own heart.
i am thankful for the way He made me. for my never-ending desire to learn. for my adventurous heart. for my outspoken manner (at times) and for my unwillingness to compromise the things i believe. for my love of coffee and passion for music and compassion for those that are hurting.
i am thankful for the knowledge of my own sin. without that, there might be no redemption.
i am thankful that God has not yet given up on me. out of everyone who has given up on me, He should have been the first and He wasn't and hasn't. i am thankful for growth and change and even for the moments of brokenness, because in those moments He has molded me and shaped me to be more like Him.
i am thankful that my faith that began, i believe, from the first moment i was brought into this world. i am thankful that God chose to reveal Himself to me at a very young age and that He has never quenched my thirst for Him, but has only made me desire Him more throughout the last 22 years of my life. i am thankful that i had a mom who was, and always has been, there to help fuel that desire and has continued to encourage me to pursue Him with everything that i am.
i am thankful for all the little moments in which God reveals Himself to us. i am thankful for His romancing us through dreams and the smell of pine trees and the taste of fresh coffee and the tension in your stomach from laughing too hard.
i am thankful for each member of my family, for their strength and humor in all situations. i wish you could see how much i love you. i would not have made it this far without the parts each of you have played. i would give my life for all of you because you have given ME life.
i am thankful for each and every one of my friends. your acceptance of my stubbornness and confrontational ways is truly sacrificial of you ;) in all seriousness, you have all touched my life in one way or another. i think sometimes we try so hard to impact other people, that we forget to stop and think about how they have impacted us, and all of you have changed my life.
lastly, i am thankful for the blood of every American soldier so that we might be free. which is what we are today.
even more, i am thankful for the blood of the King, whose sacrifice meant more than physical freedom, but eternal freedom.
i am so very thankful for all of these things and more.
happy thanksgiving.
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