"everybody has to leave,
everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."
{--donald miller}
for the 6 years prior to this one, i dreamed of all the places i could go,
all the ways i could get away from it.
and finally...
i did.
on july 7, 2010, in my little black civic packed to the brim with as much of my stuff as it could hold, i made the trek all the way down the coast to huntington beach. to orange county.
and the adventure has been a great one.
i've spent many an evening in los angeles, been to disneyland twice, driven down to san diego, spent countless hours at the beach...
but something has happened that i never counted on in a million years:
i've missed sacramento.
i've missed...home.
and so, this past memorial day weekend, i decided to spend 3 glorious days where i grew up; 3 glorious days alongside all the precious reminders of why i still call sacramento home.
---
mornings with mama in the kitchen.
ethan and i left southern california around 8:30pm on friday night to arrive in the suburbs of sacramento around 3:30am. i dropped ethan off at his mom's, then went home to my mom and stepdad's house, where i wrapped myself in a blanket on the couch and fell asleep.
9:30am, i woke up to a quiet house. in my boxers, a messy bun atop my head, i made my way into the kitchen to find my mom standing at the island, reading a magazine.
that moment was so incredibly precious to me. maybe because it was something reminiscent of childhood: waking up and knowing that someone you love--more than that, someone who loves you--are there when you go to sleep...and will still be there when you wake up.
mama puttered around the kitchen preparing coffee for me in one of my favorite "home" mugs while i munched away on some cereal and we talked about spiritual warfare and caught up on life.
i am convinced that, as simple as those moments are, there are rare moments that prove to be more precious.
she picked me up at 5 for a post-birthday date. i didn't care much what we did--all i wanted to do was drive. up through the hills. into the mountains. drive with the windows down and the stereo blaring. drive to where no one could find us. drive until we were free.
we stopped for some hot chais on the way up the hill
and, of course, had to snap a few "best friend" photos.
and we did exactly what i dreamed we would do:
we drove and drove until her car sounded like it was giving out.
drove until the fog enveloped us on all sides.
and as the wheels pressed against the highway,
we remembered old times; how we felt at different moments on those same inches of road.
we talked about old friends and old boys and old memories
and belted out all the old songs that have defined our friendship up until now.
we laughed until we cried and i couldn't help but relish in how
she never ceases to make me feel like i am 16 again.
the hills.
kate's little baby civic pushed on up into the trees, into the fog, further away from civilization and closer to adventure.
and then, it hit me, the only smell in the world that can compete with the scent of freshly brewed coffee in my book: pine.
that distinct smell of those beautiful, towering trees.
the smell that brings back memories of summer afternoons by the lake and nights under the stars.
and as we pushed up further under those towering giants,
i breathed in and out
and in again, trying to retain that heavenly scent
and prayed that i might keep it with me always.
the rain.
it never rains in orange county. EV-ER.
in sacramento, it can pour for days and weeks and months without letting up.i used to imagine living in a place with sunshine and warmth year-round.
and now i do!
but you know what?
i miss it.
i miss the rain.
i miss the pitter-patter
and the chill of the drops.
i miss seeing my breath stretched out against the darkened sky.
i miss having an excuse to drink hot chocolate anytime of the day
and to throw on a extra large hooded sweatshirt over my 5-foot frame.
i miss it all.
normally, memorial day weekend in sacramento marks the first weekend of summer;
the dusting off of boats and of last year's bikini.
but not this year. :)
this year, while all the sacramentan residents cursed the rain,
i praised it
and thanked the Lord for a little memorial day weekend surprise. <3
downtown sacramento.
where i used to visit my mom at the state capitol.
where i used to feed squirrels in the park.
where i always go to the same stores of which i know every nook and cranny.
where trees offer shelter on hot summer days
and the streetlights bring forth magic on any given night.
downtown sacramento is small and unchanging
and can get old for anyone who has been there as many times as i have.
but when you spend a year on the over-crowded streets of southern california,
downtown sacramento is just right. :)
post-birthday dinner at joe's crab shack!
quiet lunches with good friends.
being in orange county has been good for me because i have no friends down here. i spent my whole life being surrounded by people and being alone has given me quiet and reflection i never could've received otherwise.
but that doesn't mean i don't get lonely from time-to-time.
it doesn't keep me from wishing i could pick up the phone and call a friend to get coffee for an hour.
so nothing seemed lovelier than sipping my coffee over sandwiches with one of my good friends, susan. we caught up on current events and talked about our plans for the future.
i forgot about the perfection of little moments like that
and i hope i never forget again.
being 4 miles away from the people i love
instead of 40 or 400.
on sunday night, ethan took me on a date. it took him 10 minutes to get to my house and getting to dinner was quick and painless. after our date, we went back to my house to watch pirates of the caribbean before he left around 1am and made the 10-minute drive home.
monday afternoon, i texted kate to see if she wanted to come over to play board games. she was at my house in 10 minutes where we spent the next hour playing dream phone and taboo.
i think that i forgot that not every place in this world is a messy web of people and places and things
and not every place in this world takes a minimum hour drive in traffic to get there.
spontaneity and simplicity are beautiful things, both of which i now cherish intensely.
family.
monday afternoon, i got to celebrate my belated birthday with my entire family.
we ate chocolate cream pie and after opening gifts and taking a series of ridiculous pictures,
we spent the next hour watching brian regan together.
later that evening, we went to my grandparent's for a memorial day barbecue.
i hugged aunts, grandparents and cousins and caught up with them over barbecued cheeseburgers, ice cream sundaes, and later in the evening, over decaf coffee. we sat and sipped and laughed and i knew my time was almost up. and i wondered why my time to go away had to come so soon.
---
it is hard to leave behind the places and people you love so much.
i fear sometimes that i may forget...
the smell of the pines,
the quiet of the roads,
the laughter of my best friend,
the love of my family.
but then i am reminded that without those things,
i would not be quite who i am today.
i would not be charla.
in fact, i would be someone completely different.
so as much as i missed all those pieces of home the moment i hit the highway...
those pieces of home are part of who i am.
so home,
i am now convinced,
is not very far away after all.
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