i felt my heart smile at how appropriate that was for me today and how, at least for today, i only have to dwell in that homesickness a few more short hours.
i was up at 4 this morning to be at work at 5.
i would never, on God's green earth, wake up at such an awful hour except that at 1:30pm today, i am starting a 6-day vacation, which will begin by taking the 6-8 hour trek (depending on traffic) up to sacramento to be with my family.
it has been barely a month since i have last seen them and i have missed them so.
while i enjoy being alone so often, loneliness has found a way to creep into my heart in recent unexpected moments. and those are the moments i try not to cry because i can't hug my little brother when he's missing all his friends at camp and i can't see how cute my little sister is in her little outfits and i can't laugh hysterically at the ridiculous antics of my other little brother. i can't find comfort in sitting at the island, talking about God and politics to my mom in the kitchen and my stepdad in his big chair.
i can only hope that these next 6 days spent with them (my first real vacation in over a year, by the way) will satisfy that yearning, even if only temporarily. but even still, already i find myself thinking about the drive back down to orange county, and my heart is aching about the return before i've even reached my destination.
because i know how quickly time can run out--each day growing shorter by the second.
and before i know it,
this one will have passed and we'll be onto tomorrow,
whose seconds will disappear just as quickly.
i imagine i will feel something like dorothy in the wizard of oz,
watching the sand in the witch's red timer
pour seamlessly and dreadfully through the glass,
while i will constantly be aware of this one fact:
there is not enough time.
which is why i plan to be present in each and every moment these next 6 days. to sift through each second and save each flake of gold tucked away in them. and i will keep them and hold them close to my heart as i would any priceless treasure.
i will not take for granted the shuffling of feet on the kitchen floor in the morning. or the smell of coffee in the air and or the feel of one of my "home" mugs cupped between my hands. i will do my best to memorize their laughs, the feel of my little sister's hair around my finger, my mom's voice. i will hug them and laugh with them and love on them.
i will do everything in my power
not to forget.
and i'm sure it's possible
that after 6 days of being in a house full of us loud people,
i will be craving the quiet of my own car as i make the commute back down to my little house near the beach.
...but i don't think so. :)
i'll see you soon, sacramento.
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