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when i was younger, i wanted a guy like josh hartnett in pearl harbor.
gosh, he was
handsome. and sweet. but still strong-- jumping in planes to fight the japanese after they attacked oahu. in fact, i'm sure most girls in America wanted a military man after seeing that movie. who wouldn't want a man that good-looking and brave?
the reality is, most people don't know the true reality of loving a man in the military. and i don't think you can--you can't even begin to grasp until it's staring you right in the face.
even after ethan and i started dating, i still had this romantic idea in my head. i was like a silly school girl, picturing myself sprawled out on my bed, writing him perfect love letters and waiting for him to return home. dear john had just come out in theaters and that didn't help much. even our goodbyes gave me notions of a bittersweet military romance. i remember him telling me that he would write me letters all the time; that i'd be his inspiration. one of the first times we said good-bye before he actually got sent off to boot camp, we were standing outside of a hotel near LAX. cars zoomed past us as we prepared for his departure. ethan held my face in his hands and kissed the tears that fell down my cheeks.
not that any of that stuff was false or conjured up. it happened and it was real and i wouldn't trade those moments for anything. they were beautiful and romantic and hollywood-worthy.
but of course, only a day or two after ethan had left for boot camp for 3 months, i curled up under the blankets in my bed and didn't move for hours. i was afraid to move because it hurt too bad. even my lungs ached with the effort of breathing.
the following months didn't get much better. my mom couldn't ask me how i was doing over the phone without me drowning in a pool of my own tears or spouting off in a fit of anger about how "he abandoned me." i was constantly getting pep talks from a small handful of friends who were willing to help carry my pain. every day was an uphill battle with that aching pit in my stomach of "i just want him here."
and that was boot camp--BOOT CAMP. while i knew he was being treated awful, i also knew he wasn't in harms way and that he was strong enough to handle anything. but that didn't make the hurt any less.
it hasn't gotten easier, either. i always tell myself, after 3 months, pshhh, what's a few days apart? all the convincing in the world doesn't seem to do, though. last weekend, i wasn't even supposed to see ethan. it was supposed to be two weeks before i talked to him again. so when i heard his voice through the phone asking to see me, and my answer was bursting into tears, i had to wonder what was wrong with me. 5 days apart and i turn into a blubbering baby?
this time, it will be 2 weeks. it's been 6 days since we've seen each other and there will be 8 more before we'll be together again. today, i'm doing okay. but tomorrow? who knows.
and in the meantime, deployment is sneaking up on us as we speak. it's horrible, really. i'm anxious for these two weeks to pass so that we can be together. but at the same time, two weeks passing just means two weeks closer to him being gone for a period of time that makes 14 days apart laughable. it's a never-ending cycle.
anyways. i didn't write this to make you feel sorry for me or admire me because i'm that loving, supportive military girlfriend. that's just not my way. in fact, i know that i've only experienced one molecule's worth of the military lifestyle. ethan and i are not married and we don't have kids together. those women--the married ones and the ones with children--those are the ones i respect and admire and look at with awe and wonder, how in the world do you make it each day?
but no, the bigger point of this is, one of my favorite bloggers shared a link today. she introduced it beautifully. the link she shared, however, is not so beautiful. i read the story and sobbed. i can't even recall the last time i cried so hard.
i don't know the woman in the blog that was shared. i don't her family or her story. but the pain i feel for her is great and the admiration for her...even greater.
and please read her story and remember--remember that the ones who serve in the military are not the only ones who make sacrifices. there are other modern-day heroes who are missing a loved one tonight.
we must not let them be forgotten.
please say a prayer for her and her family. and maybe say a prayer for those across this country tonight who are missing a loved one--whether it's because they are great distances away or because they have gone past this place onto Greater Places.
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