sweet to the soul and healing to the bones

on the 4th of july, under the lake tahoe sun, ethan asked me if he could take me on a date.  i eagerly said yes, and yesterday, we went.

he took me shooting in the morning, to a great burger joint for lunch, and then to see transformers 3 in the late evening.  it was the perfect summer day and we cruised from orange county to la and back again with the windows down and john mayer's live in los angeles album cranked way, way up.  the day was perfect.

and yesterday at lunch, over our delicious cheeseburgers, ethan asked me about my dreams.  i told him about how bored i am at my job, bored in orange county, bored of suburbia.  how my heart longs for adventure and how i can never sit still for too long without going a little bit crazy.

he asked me what i want to do

and i started in about how i've been looking at different jobs online when he quietly cut in.

"charla."

my name on his breath stopped me as i looked up from my burger into his big, brown eyes.

"what do you want to do?"

i soaked up what he was really asking,

wondering when was the last time someone had asked me that.

i swallowed the breath caught in my throat and said,

"i want to do something that matters.

even if all i am is a receptionist for a human trafficking organization or an orphanage or a home for children with down syndrome...

i will know that i'm contributing to something important.  something that's really making a difference in the world.

i long for a life more meaningful than the life i am living now."

i held back tears as i acknowledged the truth in what i said

and the ache in my heart from wondering if i would ever live out the adventure in my head.

ethan took my hand in his and told me,

"then you need to do it."

a pause and then, "it's not that easy," escaped from under my lips.

"you could write for national geographic," he said, ignoring my statement.

my heart throbbed.

"that used to be my dream," i whispered.

and i walked away from that dream a long time ago.  it was a silly one.  impractical.

i didn't say that, but i certainly thought it as i considered his suggestion.  how cute and silly he was.  me?  work for such an amazing publication?  such a job is the desire of many, i'm sure, and i would be the least qualified of all those.

i smiled at ethan and started picking up our stuff to leave the restaurant.  there was nothing more to be said.

but as i laid in bed this morning, waiting for just enough energy to start the day, i replayed the conversation in my head and remembered the look on his face as he made, what i thought to be, a most ridiculous suggestion.

but that look on his face was not one of silliness or joking; it was one of belief.  belief in me.  for some strange reason, he thinks i'm good enough to work for national geographic.  he thinks i'm good enough to do all the things in the world i want to do.

i tried to convince myself that it's pure bias.  and while that's possible, i see it as more.  ethan sees something in me.  something good.  something that can't be tamed or find itself settled in suburbia.

and ethan is not a man of many words, however, when he chooses to speak, he lifts up.

yesterday,

he breathed life into me,

right where i needed it the most.

it is said in proverbs 16:24 that "Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

ethan's words began to heal some part of me.  he pressed them down upon my heart and there, they have spread like a sweet rain, tending to the drought that can be found there.

he helped me remember that as much as i want to help people,

sometimes i need to be helped.

held.

believed in.

i am now reassured that i have one believer.

one whose brown eyes can peer into the depths of my soul

and water whatever tiny seeds he may find there.

and that's better than even the best job with national geographic.

hands down.