for some reason, the past few days i have been thinking about my past. certain mistakes. things i wish i could take back.
last night, i had a nightmare about one in particular. the one that hurts me the most.
i woke up,
laid in bed,
stood in the shower,
drove to work,
thinking about the nightmare.
hurting.
it brought back feelings, emotions and the outline of faces, all that i very much wanted to forget.
but as i made my way to work, my radio playing softly in the background, i suddenly noticed the soothing melody crooning through the speakers.
"your love is extravagant."
i have heard that version {casting crowns} of the song a thousand times. i often skip over it on that particular CD because i have played and overplayed it. but at that moment, i was so lost in my regrets, i forgot to press the "next" button.
which was the exact blessing i needed.
as i let the words wrap themselves around me,
love filled the car,
and i heard the quietest of whispers:
"let go, little one."
the clouds didn't open up
and the world didn't stop
and lightning didn't shoot from the sky.
but
it was perfect.
and suddenly i understood what was meant when it was written that love covers "a multitude of sins." {1 peter 4:8} because in that moment, between the notes in the song and the inaudible whispers, everything i was surrendered completely unto Him. and in that place, nothing else mattered.
so i let go
and i breathed it in
and i found rest.
it was if my fingers had been pried gently open,
and what i had been holding onto so tightly
had scattered like a flock of doves
as far as the east is from the west.
just like He promised.
"...as far as the east is from the west,
so far does He remove our transgressions from us."
{psalm 103:12}
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