as a stranger in a foreign country

"if i find in myself

desires

nothing in this world can satisfy...

i can only conclude that i,

i was not made for here."

{source}

orange county is not my home.

more and more every day, i am convinced of that and i wonder how anyone can possibly endure it out here.

weren’t our hearts made for more than this?  for more than shopping malls and powerlines and freeway as far as the eyes can see?  doesn't anyone else tire of the endless ring of cell phones, of mindless billboards and bright, shiny cars?

daily, i dream of something different.

i dream of simplicity.

i dream of more trees than powerlines

and more family-owned businesses than chain stores.



i dream of small dirt roads and sunsets not tainted by smog.

i dream of land unexplored,

of creeks just waiting for me to dip my toes in,

of the feel of fresh air in my lungs.



yet in those dreamy moments, i wonder still if that’s where contentment will be found...

in that magical place in my dreams, will i finally be happy?

is that where my restless heart will find peace?



maybe.

at the very least, more peace than I have now.

but in a month or a year, will my heart then long for green grass someplace different?



i can’t rule it out.



and my heart begins to hurt as i wonder if i will ever find peace.

but then i remember

what my heart was made for.

who my heart was made for.



Him.



for walking alongside the wild heart of God in Eden.

for love.



orange county isn’t my home

and i can't be sure that any place on earth will be.



because He is what my heart was made for.

and knowing that does not bring me the earthly contentment i long for,



but unspeakable,



supernatural



joy.



and through that,

a whisper.

that i should make the best of what i have today.

that i should still find the sunset through the smog.



because i will be with the Lover of my Heart

soon enough.



"By faith Abraham...obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.  By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise.

For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God."

{hebrews 11:8-10}