this past friday was one of those days.
one of those days where most everyone can say,
"i'll never forget where i was..."
thursday, i went to bed early, as i do every other night.
one of those days where most everyone can say,
"i'll never forget where i was..."
thursday, i went to bed early, as i do every other night.
i got up at 6am, as i do every other morning. i showered, got dressed, did my make-up, drove to work.
i made my toast and slowly sipped my coffee, savoring the taste as i started my computer and opened all my work programs. i was satisfied and happy, ready to start the day.
but once i clicked on my little internet explorer icon on the left hand side of my screen, it was as if the world had turned upside-down.
“breaking news: Japan hit by 8.9 earthquake, 32-foot tsunami.”
my God.
before i had a chance to see anything more, my phone vibrated and i heard my mom’s voice on the other line. “did you hear the news?” she asked frantically. she told me that tsunami warnings had been issued all across the pacific. my southern california town included. she warned me that the waves were to hit in only a short hour. to watch the news. to stay alert. and to get in my car and drive as far east as possible, if there was any sign of danger.
although, i didn’t panic right away, i couldn't help but let fear rush over me. after we hung up, i opened up google and pulled up every article i could find, read every bit of information i could locate. i refreshed and refreshed again, looking for updates, for any news at all. i prayed for my Japanese roommates and their families. i prayed for my friend, ryan, in new zealand. i prayed for my stepbrothers on the northern california coast. i prayed for God to let me know if and when to get out. i prayed for wisdom.
as the day wore on, i was reassured that the biggest waves my area would see were 3 feet, while japan continued to experience aftershocks and several people in northern california were swept out to sea. i began to feel emotional and drained and then...
angry.
i made the mistake of reading the comments people were leaving on the articles i read. one man complained about how hard he has it in the Midwest, with their wide-ranging temperatures, snowstorms and crop problems. another turned it into another obama “where’s the birth certificate?” argument.
i saw links for one article about how this is going to be the “most expensive disaster in history” and another about how japan’s disaster is going to affect American stocks.
“my God, what is going on?” i wondered. "can no one see outside themselves for just one moment? how does such a disaster not help people see the importance of more than politics and money and stocks and things?"
before giving up on mankind completely, i logged onto facebook, hoping for a kind word, a prayer, a wish.
and what i got…was nothing.
not one word about japan or the disaster at all. just statuses about wanting ice cream and gym routines. people continued on with their daily lives as if nothing had happened. as if there weren’t people halfway across the world who had just lost loved ones or others who were suffocating or being smashed under collapsed buildings. as if all the earth touching the pacific ocean wasn’t in jeopardy of being completely swept away.
at that moment, i felt helpless.
because i wanted to know that i wasn't alone. i wanted to know that others felt just as much heartache for the japanese people as i did at that moment.
and more than that, i wanted to be there. to offer a helping hand. a to share a hug, a tear. to dig through the rubble. to try to save, if not a life, then a soul.
but instead, there i was, sitting in my work office, the AC running cold on my back, where i could only offer a meager prayer up the heavens. it was not enough. if no one else seemed to be praying, then what good would my one prayerful groan do for thousands?
and as sure as God could hear the questions in my heart, He did not answer, but instead responded with an earnest prompting: pray.
it was a deep and heart-felt prompting, the kind i couldn't help but respond to.
and so i prayed my heart out.
i prayed for those who were trapped and hurting.
for the lost.
for those missing family members and friends.
for those who were alone.
i prayed that those in their dying moments would reach to Christ.
i saw God's presence among each individual. i saw Him holding their hands. i saw Him wiping tears. i saw Him being a still, comforting presence in moments of turmoil.
and i prayed, more than anything,
that they would see it.
i will be honest and say that i never prayed so much in my entire life.
and as i prayed, the Holy Spirit reminded me of abraham. and his prayers for sodom and gomorrah.
that God had heard abraham and listened to him.
and while not many lives were spared,
his prayers still saved one.
"but God had listened to Abraham's request and kept Lot safe, removing him from the disaster that engulfed the cities on the plain." {Genesis 19:29}
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i cannot always do what i deem as "much."
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i cannot always do what i deem as "much."
i cannot always do even the smallest things that i want to do.
and i certainly cannot change the whole world or another's heart.
but what i can do
is believe that where i am
in those moments of frustration and helplessness
is exactly where i'm supposed to be in the midst of a larger puzzle.
a place only i can fill.
on friday, that place
was on my knees.
and i don't know what my prayers amounted to. i don't know if they amounted to anything.
and i don't know what my prayers amounted to. i don't know if they amounted to anything.
but i learned that it doesn't matter what i know. it's what i don't know and yet keep striving towards that defines faith.
and think i needed a reminder of what faith is all about. that faith IS what it's all about.
and if faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains {matthew 17:20}, how much more can it do also?
so in that moment,
i have to believe that my little prayers
may not have been "much,"
but certainly,
more than enough.
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...brothers and sisters, pray that the message of the Lord may spread rapidly and be honored, just as it was with you. {2 thess. 3:1}
The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. {james 5:16}
please continue to pray with me and others across the world for the victims of the japan earthquake and tsunami.
the tragedy has seemingly only begun. the nation of japan has continued to be hit by 6.0 magnitude earthquakes and are also being threatened by a nuclear crisis.
below is a link to samaritan's purse, a Christian organization that is currently on their way to japan to provide food, water, blankets, etc. in addition to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
there are many ways you can help and anything you can do, no matter how small, will be much appreciated.
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