it's been surprisingly easier than i thought it would be. i think because i prepared myself for the worst. to be perpetually stuck in a big ball of unshowered mess on my bed, afraid to move because to do so might actually kill me. i prepared myself to feel empty, numb, completely lost.
it hasn't been like that, though. and i'm sure between family, friends, distractions, lots of prayer, and having been apart so often before, God worked up some magical recipe just for me, so that i wouldn't be as broken as i expected. i am so thankful for that.
on the other side of all this, i did not say it was Easy. because it's not.
you know what is Easy, though?
thinking on all the time you've had with your loved one in the past 2 years and realizing how little all of it is in comparison to the time you haven't been together.
making lists of all the what-if's.
putting the blame on someone else. you know, the Someone that is currently putting their life in danger so i can enjoy the freedom to write this post. yeah, that Someone.
some mornings i lookin the mirror and wonder, how the heck did i get here? this is not my life. this is not the one i had on order. they delivered me the wrong one and silly me, i opened the package, which means i get to be the one stuck inside of it.
oh, there are those days. it pains me to admit that they exist. but to deny their existence would be, well, against my nature. they are there. and they can be rough.
but then, there are days like yesterday.
a day when i was lucky enough to pull out--not one, but two--letters from the mailbox on my lunch break. letters that have made the trek across thousands of miles, just to end up between my fragile fingers. letters that Someone, my Someone, carefully penned, just for me.
a day when i just had this feeling i should check my email when i got home. where, waiting for me were--not one, but TWO--emails. emails where he can't tell me where he is or what he's been doing. but where he can tell me that he loves me. that he has dreams about protecting me from harm. that he can hardly wait to be with me again.
and days like yesterday always feel like a rebirth for me.
where i read slow, breathe deep, and know within the core of my being,
there are a lot of things that are Easy.
being away from My Someone isn't one of those things.
 |
| {me + ethan on the night before deployment day} |
but Easy? she'll be long forgotten soon enough.
because i'm positive that...
when those worn-out boots find American soil again...
when eyes finally meet and distance fades into nothingness...
when strong, tired arms will find a little Someone--Their Someone--to wrap themselves around once again...
i will know, within every cell, every crevice in every bone of my body...
that this will--he will--have been worth all of it.
and that's why i'm thankful for days like yesterday.
when i'm lucky enough to be reminded of that.
***
“Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy…
It's when you want to be together despite it all--that's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it.”
{--anon.}
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