going into it, i had no idea what the movie was about. my boyfriend's dad picked it and i had seen the billboards, so i was curious.
anyways, the movie is basically about a young man, michael, going through school to become a priest. he is skeptical about the truth of God and the devil. he attempts to resign seminary due to his lack of faith, but instead, is sent by his school to rome to learn about performing exorcisms. he begins spending time with one of the most sought-after exorcists in rome and is faced with all kinds of situations that challenge his skepticism about the devil and God.
at the end of the movie, michael has to perform an exorcism himself, which was probably one of the most thought-provoking movie scenes i have ever watched.
in the movie, michael had been told that demons know all your sins. all the darkest parts of you. secrets that no one else knows. and while michael is performing the exorcism, he experiences that firsthand. the demon inside the possessed man begins cursing at him, reminding him of all the most horrible things he had ever done, horrible things he had said, people he had hurt, people he had abandoned. the demon claims that God is not there and how could God love someone so dirty, so ugly? as the demon was spouting off these things, three things stuck out to me.
the first: that same exact thing happens to us. how often do we hear whispers of all our failings? of how we're not enough? how often does satan exploit every horrible, ugly thing we've ever done? i cannot speak for everyone, but i know there are many moments when i am reminded of every way that i am a sin-riddled human being. these whispers may not be as loud and profound as a possessed man screaming at us, but they are there.
the second: that while satan is a liar, he uses truth to spread his message. in the movie, everything the demon said was true. you could see it on michael's face, as he weakened with every word the demon spoke. as followers of Christ, we have to be aware of the difference in the message we are receiving. we believe that God is love and so God cannot act apart from love. even if He is convicting our hearts, it will not be to destroy us, but to make us better. to make us more like Him. if the message comes with guilt or accusation, it is not a message from Him.
the third and most profound thing to me: what that demon would be saying if i was there instead of michael...
as the demon called out accusations, my thoughts began to wander to my own failings. what number of my sins would he use against me? what are the sins i have committed that, in being reminded of them, would bring me to my knees? while i thought about this, no particular ones came to mind (thank God). and i know that i don't want to know.
the more these thoughts filled my mind, the more i came to the grand realization of
how much,
of how far and great and deep and wide i am loved.
the God of the universe knows even more than the demons in my life. He knows the sins i have committed, the ones i commit daily and even the sins i will commit in the future. even worse, because He is perfect, it is Him i am sinning against. my shortcomings are what held Jesus to that cross.
yet...He does not use those things against me. in fact, He separates them from me. He cleanses my soul and my spirit and takes that burden from me daily. the impossibility of it all blows my mind...
going back to the movie... in the midst of all the demon's nasty accusations, michael realizes that he does believe in the devil. and because he does believe in the devil, he does believe in God.
as soon as his heart changes, everything changes. michael continues to exorcise the man. his voice rises as his heart is filled with conviction and all of a sudden, his exorcism has meaning to it and power behind it. i watched him spout the name of Jesus Christ as he demanded the demon to release his human prisoner and i could feel everything inside me change. the room in the movie was dark and evil. only moments before i was ready for the movie to be over and to be away from that horrible place. but once the name of Jesus was spoken, i had something to hang onto in the darkness of the movie theater. hope. light. truth.
ha, how amazing that a name can expel darkness! in all reality, it is so much more than a name. it is love defined, wrapped up into 5 letters. what a beautiful gift. i cannot imagine hearing that name, the name of Jesus, and not feeling something inside me stir. i believe that is love stirring, beckoning, calling my name. and i don't deserve it. but still, He calls :)
that movie brought about the realization of my sin, which i don't like to talk about and which i never choose to focus on. and why should i? God doesn't. the greatness of my sin is but a grain of sand compared to the love of our Creator, our Companion, our Savior.
my earnest hope is that every human being can feel and know God's love to the same degree that i felt in the movie theater on saturday. not just to talk about it or sing about it, but to literally know it. feel it. experience it. relish it. :)
"i don't need to punish people for sin. sin is its own punishment, devouring you from the inside. it's not my purpose to punish it; it's my joy to cure it." -God from The Shack.
"as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12
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